Couples Therapy
Changing your story Together
Reveal
Restore
Thrive
Do you find yourself stuck in an unhappy marriage or relationship?
Has communication been hard or nonexistent?
Do you feel like the connection with your partner has been lost?
Our relationships go through so many changes in different stages of life. The stress that you have early in marriage, or with young children, is very different from the stress you have when children have grown up. Trying to reconnect at a different stage of life can feel impossibly hard, when the stress you’ve been dealing with kept you from realizing your connection with your spouse or partner was suffering.
When we’re fighting or have a lack of connection, the truth is:
It’s never about what it’s about.
That same fight about who does the dishes, or who goes golfing on Saturday, or even the fight about the desire (or lack thereof) for sex….is often our way of expressing to our partner we don’t feel connected.
In every relationship, it’s normal for any of us to have the desire to be seen, heard, valued, and appreciated; but, somewhere along the line things shifted in your relationship. You no longer feel that connection to your partner and you find yourself cycling through the same same old argument again… and again… and again. Each of you are desperate for connection, but are stuck trying to use old strategies to try and feel seen by each other.
Life has gotten so busy and overwhelming that the relationship got pushed to being the last thing on ‘the list.’
Communication is suffering
There is no time to spend together; everything else takes priority.
You feel like you’re at the end of your rope and have started to feel like divorce might be the only option.
There is trauma in the relationship, such as infidelity, and you worry that there’s no way to find your way back.
One (or both) of you has individual trauma that’s affecting how you relate to people in your life now.
Relationships have the capacity to be rebuilt and restored - and also - sometimes we need to do the work to release them in a healthy way when they’ve hit their expiration date.
Do any of these sound like you:
You’re just starting out in your relationship or marriage and trying to figure out ways to build a solid foundation of communication and connection.
You’re building your family and you’re in those early years of babies and kids, the to-do list is long but connection is short, and you’re fighting over who does more. It leaves no time for your relationship to have intimacy and connection.
Your children are grown and each of you have managed your role throughout the relationship. Yet suddenly, you find yourself looking at the other person, asking How did we get here? And what do we do now?’
You’ve had too much hurt that neither of you feel can be healed, but you know that you have to interact and work together to continue parenting a family. You realize the relationship has hit its expiration date and you have to release it, but you don’t know how. How do you engage in a new waythat's as healthy as possible, while actually moving forward?
Maybe this is your second chapter. And, this time you want to do it differently. You want to learn the skills and the tools to have a connected, loving, intimate relationship. You’ve done your individual work and you’ve now met someone that you’d like to start a new life with, and learn healthy tools so you can have the relationship you’ve always wanted.
Relationships are messy.
Two people come together with their own histories, their own stories, and their own stuff, and they try to merge with another human. Sometimes it goes really well forever and ever, and people get their own personal version of ‘happily ever after.’ That’s the exception though, and not the rule - even though that’s what we all want.
It’s so normal to have challenges in relationships, that could range from a tiny speed-bump that’s easily overcome, to sinkholes that couples get trapped in. These sinkholes could be things like trauma bonds, interactions that follow patterns of unhealthy behavior, and being left feeling alone, unheard, and isolated, where it seems like nothing could actually be different.
It’s time to stop doing the same dance.
Couples counseling and marriage therapy can give you an opportunity to have the relationship that you’ve always wanted.
You’ll learn how to be present in your relationship, communicate, be open, share and be vulnerable.
You’ll reveal what is and isn’t working in your relationship and begin to restore the life you each wanted to have together.
You’ll learn tools to build (or rebuild) connection, in order to build the foundation or rebuild the foundation of your relationship so you can move towards a relationship where you feel seen, heard, valued and appreciated.
You can have fun and create a sense of intimacy that you never knew was possible.
If, in the process of couples counseling, you and your partner realize and agree that it’s time to release the relationship you have with each other, you’ll each learn instead to redefine your lives in a way that’s healthy for both of you and the family system you created together.
As individuals we can heal.
But we often heal more quickly and more intensely when we are in relationship with others.
Individual therapy is healing our relationship with Self, couples and marriage counseling is healing our relationship with others and ourselves.
We can only be as healthy in the relationship as we are as an individual, but how do we practice those tools without another person there to see us, validate us, be present with us?
Imagine for a moment - you’re in a relationship where open and productive communication is regularly practiced, where you’re able to share your feelings, and learn how to resolve conflict in a way that builds connection. The connection and communication you experience in this relationship creates a deeper sense of intimacy, and you don’t just know you’re valued - you feel valued. Your relationship becomes the cornerstone of your family system and your day to day. There’s no ignoring, no walking away, no stomach ache that happens when you’re wondering how your partner will feel when you try to share what’s going on with you. Your relationship is powerful, because it stands on an incredibly solid foundation that you and your partner or spouse have built together. Imagine having the opportunity to have all the conversations that you’ve wanted to have about finances, or about the things that bring you joy, how you see your life moving forward, and what you want in the future. All of these things are possible when you feel connected, safe, loved and seen by your partner.
I am a relationship therapist, and my approach is all about acknowledging, seeing and breaking the patterns that have kept you unhappy and stuck for so long.
Many times, couples get stuck in doing the same dance again and again; never finding their way out of the conflict and instead into a new way to communicate about what’s really going on. There could be trauma that you or your partner or spouse experienced before the relationship started, and your individual trauma has reared its head, creating a ripple effect of impact on the relationship. Or, there could be trauma that happened inside the relationship, where each of you caused pain of some sort to the other person. Each of you bring old experiences and stories into every experience you have as individuals and as a couple, and those experiences and stories will absolutely affect how you relate in a relationship now. Because of this, I make sure to spend individual time with both you and your partner or spouse, as well helping you each to recognize your role in the pattern or dance of the relationship. We’ll work together to find ways to heal and participate more fully in your relationship by uncovering attachment styles, love languages, and communication strategies.
Imagine looking at your partner and feeling a sense of joy and love, while looking forward to spending time with them. Regardless of what stage of life you’re in, it is possible to be in a truly healthy relationship, where you feel seen, heard, valued and appreciated.
If you’re ready to get to work on rescuing your relationship, click that button below to schedule an inquiry call, and let’s get started. I can’t wait to hear from you.